Tuesday, January 26, 2016

All The Feelings

Ready for a super jumbled post?

I'm so, so ready for this baby to come. This pregnancy hasn't been nearly as enjoyable as my last. Though I've been so much more peaceful and less anxious, which is a huge blessing, it's been so much more physically taxing. That along with the knowledge of what life with a newborn is like (vs last time where I was like "ahhhh not ready!!!"), I'm just ready to get this show on the road :). I mean, newborn Felicity was a huge struggle, but once she hit that 6 month mark, and then the 18 month mark, I found SO much enjoyment in her. And I'd rather be up all night with a newborn than... just up all night with the baby belly. I don't mean to complain. I'm so fortunate to be experiencing a pretty healthy pregnancy and to be growing this baby. And I also feel kind of guilty that I'm wishing the pregnancy away because I found it almost magical with Felicity, but I'm more ready this time to have the baby in my arms, see my first baby meet my second baby, and feeling more confident about tackling life with a newborn this time around since I have great mommy friends and experience under my belt. And though the tiredness won't end any time soon, I'm ready to at least be on the path to feeling more normal/energetic during the day. I also don't feel nearly as physically cute as I did last time which plays a big part in my feelings. Last time I felt like I was rocking the bump and loved maternity clothes. This time nothing seems to fit right and I just feel... big and tired.

But since I can't/shouldn't/won't rush this pregnancy, I'm trying to enjoy it the best I can. Though this baby really enjoys burrowing his or her head in my right hip and feet in my left ribs (it feels about as good as you might imagine), the movements are fun! My stomach moves way more than it did with Felicity and I really enjoy the "dance". I can feel actual body parts (back? bottom? not sure) that I don't remember feeling with Felicity. All of a sudden one spot will get really hard and I feel a lot of pressure, then it stops as quickly as it started.

I also have the typical mom emotions of worrying about what life will be like when Felicity isn't my sole focus. Mostly I'm just so excited for her to have a sibling, and she's so in love with babies that I think she will love having one of "her own", but I do worry about my super clingy mama's girl. It will be good for her in the long run, but a tough adjustment for all of us, I'm sure. I keep thinking I should be doing extra fun things with her to savor these last weeks of just her and I but... we already do lots of fun things! I don't really know what to add in there. I've been trying to get down on the floor and play with her more- simple things that will be harder to do when the baby is here. I try to remind myself that, though life will never be the same for her, she won't remember any different and the gift of a sibling is one of the best gifts you can give. We're going to work really hard on her still having special time with us, especially Daddy since I'll be on primary newborn duty for a while. So I'm going to really miss it just being me and my girl, but I can't wait to see my big baby snuggle on my little baby!

1 comment:

  1. We already talked about this, but it's amazing how similarly I felt in the last weeks of my pregnancy with Lily. Especially regarding clothes (staying at home, at the mercy of toddler spills and just wanting comfort, meant far less cute outfits) and drawing a blank on special things to do with your older baby. I know you'll cherish the memory of this time, regardless of whether you do anything out of the ordinary--Felicity is one lucky girl to have you. I'm so excited for you and will be praying for your family!!