Dear Jellybean, 08-01-2015
I've been putting off writing this letter because writing it makes it feel more real. Two weeks ago, I had my hcg levels drawn (about a week after the initial appointment). I called the doctor that Friday after a Monday and Wednesday draw since I hadn't heard from him. He said that my Monday level was good but that my Wednesday level had not doubled. He grimly said that he knows something is in my uterus but the next diagnostic tool is an ultrasound. At that point we had a week and a half to go (now only a few days). Daddy, myself, and Felicity were at a farm playing when he called me back, and I started crying as I told Daddy what the doctor said. We immediately began googling, and it seems as if my numbers could be completely normal. So I'm not sure why the doctor was being such a downer. My only thought is that (and he was this way with your sister, too) he wants me to be prepared for the worst since I'm at a higher risk of complications anyway. I appreciate being realistic, but would also have appreciated the knowledge that things could potentially be just fine. So of course Daddy and I have been struggling since then. During the day we're both busy and pretty positive. But quite a few evenings find us sad and upset about the possibility of losing you. I know it's not a guarantee at all, but I have had more nausea with you than with Felicity, so I'm choosing to take that as a good sign! We are praying so hard to see a heartbeat on Tuesday. And, if not, praying for peace and acceptance. We love you so much whether we meet you on this earth or not. We went ahead and had our now-traditional celebration meal at Outback (bc mommy craves ALL the meat when pregnant), and got our rosary to pray on during this pregnancy, no matter how short or long it may be. You are a member of our family no matter what, and we want to celebrate you and pray for you just like we did for Felicity.
We love you so much.
Dear Jellybean, 08-10-2015
We had our appointment last Tuesday, and there you were! Our sweet little jellybean of a baby, with a flickering heart. Almost as soon as the doctor started the ultrasound, he pointed and said "there's the flutter". I signed the biggest sigh of relief. With your sister, it seemed like all those early ultrasounds took FOREVER to get an image and then even longer for the doctor to say something to let me know all was ok, so the immediate affirmation was wonderful. As I thought, you were measuring small, so we adjusted the due date by 5 days, from 3/13/16 to 3/18/16. I like even numbers and I like growing my babies as long as I can knowing you will be at least a week if not 2 weeks early, so I was happy with that. Of course my fairly severe nausea basically stopped the day after and has only returned in short, light spurts, so I'm nervous again. But, as I felt so peaceful during our 45 minute drive to the doctor as we prayed on your rosary, I feel peaceful now. I don't like to guess what that means; I just accept the peace for what it is. We get to see you again on 8/31 and I am counting down the days! Luckily we have a visit from friends and a week at the beach between now and then to help pass the time. And, as I am guessing will be the norm, your big sister keeps me so busy that the days pass fairly quickly. I am betting 2nd pregnancies, generally speaking, go by much faster than first! We love you tons and if you want to make me sick to let me know you're ok, mommy is fine with that :). Can't wait to see your sweet little arms and legs moving in a few weeks. The 12 week ultrasound will always be my favorite!
As a follow up, because I'm a horrible blogger, the 12 week ultrasound went just fine, although way too fast! The baby was measuring a bit ahead (fine by me; Felicity was tiny!) and I had to do the early glucose test so he or she was kicking and wiggling like mad! The doctor kept trying to show me the heartbeat and all I wanted to see was those limbs wiggling around. Something about this ultrasound where the baby is moving and you can see the whole thing on the screen is just amazing to me. I could have watched it all afternoon! Thank you for those of you whose prayers have gotten us to this point. I'm still kind of in shock that my body did something correctly on its own, so this is a bit surreal. Also, it's going WAY faster than my pregnancy with Felicity (probably because of that cute toddler I'm attempting to keep up with!). Hoping to blog more regularly but we all know I probably won't :P.