So today I bit the bullet and rejoined Weight Watchers after hemming and hawing about it for months. Steven is wonderful and did not even question the price, as tight as money is for us. He reminded me that it's an investment in not only my health, but the long term health of the family as Felicity learns eating habits, and as I'm the one who prepares most meals.
Felicity is almost a year old, so I've had plenty of time to drop the baby weight, and I haven't. I take that back... I did lose about 15 lbs shortly after she was born (of the 30 I gained while pregnant). But between lack of motivation, really enjoying ice cream these past 10 months, and a thyroid that is again giving me flack, I weighed in today at- no, sorry, I can't bring myself to type it. Let's just say that I weigh the same today as I did the day I gave birth. And I had weight to lose before I got pregnant. Yeah, people. It was high time to rejoin. The first time I did weight watchers, I lost about 65 lbs over the course of a year. I lost it all through food changes, very rarely exercising. When I was in maintenance, I got cocky thinking I could do it on my own. Then I started letting certain holidays "not count", then certain big events, and, before I knew it, I wasn't counting anything. The pounds piled back on over the course of a few years, culminating in the "baby" weight I'm still carrying around. Then I did it online shortly before I got pregnant, but weighing in at home and not being accountable to anyone was a stumbling block for me. I might have lost 5-10 lbs but that was it. It basically only helped me maintain. This time, I'm back to going to meetings, and even have a meeting buddy that I met online in a parenting group who happens to live near me. Steven is unofficially doing it at home, which will help. I want to lose weight eating "real" foods, which I strongly believe in (eating very limited processed foods, choosing whole foods over others, eating things like dairy as they come and not in their fat free counterparts, etc). I also want to lose weight exercising, since it has so many health benefits. Luckily, I already walk 45 minutes quite a few times a week with my neighbor, which is way more than I've ever done before, and for a way longer time. Man, accountability is apparently a necessity for me!
I have so many reasons for wanting to lose weight. They asked us at the meeting tonight to name one, and I chose the most important one to me- that I want to attempt to break the cycle of obesity for Felicity. When I make a decision about what to put in my mouth, it affects more than just me. She sees it and she will learn from us, so we owe it, of course to ourselves and each other, but to Felicity to learn and practice better habits. Beyond that, I'd love my blood pressure to not be a problem next pregnancy (it's normal right now but I want to do what I can to keep it that way if I can!). I'd love my progesterone levels to improve. I want my PCOS to be more managed and maybe even cycle on my own! I want Steven and I to improve for each other. I want to be able to wear my closet full of clothes. I want to not feel disgusting. So, so many reasons to get healthy! I don't know how long this journey will last because we may want to get pregnant again before I reach goal (assuming it takes around the same amount of time as last time), which would obviously put things on hold. But regardless, I need to be healthier no matter if I do the program for a month, a year, or multiple years before becoming pregnant again. And it'll be there waiting for me when I'm ready- and I'll need it! I'm so tired of being controlled by food. Let's do this thing.