I don't know how people go back to work at 6 weeks. I seriously bow down to any of you who have done it. Granted, we have some extenuating circumstances but still... I feel like I'm just starting to get it together and it's week 5. Oh, speaking of extenuating circumstances... Felicity's lip and tongue ties BOTH need to be redone so we are headed to Charlotte next week for a 7:10am appt to have them lasered. And she has thrush. And reflux. So yeah, it's been a rough... life?... for her over here and in turn a rough time for mommy and daddy as we take care of her and try to manage all the doctor appointments that come with her issues. The good news is that hopefullyhopefullyhopefully her nursing will improve (from the current state of nothingness) after we re-take care of the ties and now that the thrush is being treated. And the other good news is that even with the newest health developments for her, the last week and a half has seriously been a million times better than the first 2.5 weeks when I was honestly thinking "why did we want a baby????" and then hating myself for thinking it. She is finally sleeping some, crying much less, and just generally is a more pleasant baby. The big change? Donor breast milk. Apparently formula doesn't sit well with her, even the kind for gassy/colicky babies. So thank God for the women (7 of them!) who have stepped forward to help me feed my baby because she is a different person!!! I am actually enjoying being her mother which is incredibly refreshing. It is so, so nice to enjoy having her around :). So back to the 6 week thing. I would cry my eyes out if I had to go back to work next week when we are just starting to get a handle on life. So for those of you who do it, you are beyond awesome!
How is life as a stay at home mom? Well, ironically I'm not sure that I feel like one yet. I don't know that it's hit me that I'm not going back to work. In a way, work feels like something I did in an alternate universe or previous life. It just sort of feels like I've always been home with her. In another way, I think it will still take some more time to hit me that this is my job. I also haven't even begun to take on my new tasks. Steven is still helping me with pretty much everything. Bless him for working 11-12 hour days, coming home and basically taking over diapering and feeding, and still helping with laundry, cleaning, and meal prep. Seriously, he has been so amazing. Luckily this week I've started doing some of those things myself. It's slow going and the house is still in a constant state of turmoil, but it's slowly getting better and I'm very, very slowly learning how to manage Felicity, pumping, various doctor appointments, getting some rest, and taking care of the homestead. Did I mention slowly? The nicest part is that I'm finally enjoying my baby, and the house can wait, for the most part.
It's interesting to me that I haven't really thought about myself as a stay at home mom since I've become one. The impetus for the post was when a friend asked me the other day, if the decision feels right now that I'm home and she's here. I hadn't stopped to think about it until then but, yes, it absolutely does. Especially with all that's going on with Felicity, I don't know where else I'd be. For me personally it feels like I am exactly where I need to be at this time in my life. Might that change later due to desire or circumstance? Sure. But for now, and for long term as much as I can predict (haha!), taking care of my family and my home full time feels right. Honestly, I think doing this full time is helping me take care of me as well. Again, I don't know how working moms do it because, as much I as leave myself out of the mix right now, I highly doubt I'd take care of me at all if I was having to juggle a job with life currently. And, sure, that would probably change as we get even more used to being parents and caring for Felicity becomes more routine, but that's where I'm at right now. Right now my day looks like feeding, pumping, tidying, resting, rinse and repeat. And that may sound awful to some people but it's comforting to me. I have something tangible to measure my days by and I can easily see my improvement and my settling into my new role by how much I get done, how I handle unexpected events, and how much joy I'm able to get out of doing these things. And by the fun I'm able to have... 2 dates with friends just this week! It's wonderful to get out and feel human again. But right now home is very, very nice, especially after weeks of almost daily doctor appointments. Right now, home is my job and very much feels like a full time job. Home is where I belong.