You know how sometimes you read or see something about marriage on a blog or facebook that makes you a little nauseous? Like, multiple posts about how awesome someone's husband is or pictures of someone's perfect marriage? And you're kind of like "Make it stop!". Yeah, I occasionally feel that way, too. And that makes me think twice sometimes when I post things about my marriage and my husband. I don't want people rolling their eyes or grabbing for the puke bucket (oh, you didn't have one of those growing up?). But here's what bothers me. I feel like it's socially acceptable to rag on your husband and people actually enjoy that. We take this sick pleasure in being able to think, "Nice that their marriage isn't perfect either!" or "Ha, their husband does the same thing!". I'm including myself in all of this, just so you understand that I'm not pointing fingers. I have actually found myself making comments that I do not think or feel when people ask me "So, how do you like married life?" because I don't want to eye rolls or *knowing looks* if I respond, "I am loving it! Marriage is wonderful!" which, despite its imperfections, is exactly how I feel!
Anyway, I decided something a while ago but never stated it until now, because the thoughts have been evolving. I am going to try my absolute best not to talk badly about my husband or marriage. It's one thing to have an issue that my husband and I are having trouble working out, and turn to someone I love and trust for advice or feedback. But I don't want to be 'that wife' who routinely complains about her husband to her friends, or makes deprecating remarks about her husband and marriage. I don't want to further the societal norm of pushing husbands down, and including them in your child count- you know, "I have 2 kids... well, 3 including my husband". I don't want to whine about my husband's flaws to my girlfriends for the sake of 'girl talk' and then wonder why he doesn't take a leadership role in our household or why masculinity seems to be a thing of the past. I know that there are many contributions to the lack of strong, moral males today but I do think this is one of them. I don't want my husband to ever feel like he has to prove himself because I've cut him down. I don't want him having to be a jerk to me in front of people because I've belittled him to the point that it's the only way he feels he can get some of his manhood back.
Instead, I want to build him up. I want to go to him if there is an issue, and if I go to someone else, like I mentioned above, I will never do it without first going to him. Most importantly, I will never do it in a public forum. I want to try my hardest to honor my husband and my marriage, and be part of a growing movement to build our husbands up, to stop acting as if our husbands are children, and to show the world that the beauty of marriage doesn't mean that there aren't flaws or issues, but that we focus on the good and work on the bad.
So if you get sick of hearing me talk about my husband, please know that yes, we do have flaws and issues like everyone else, but that I'm not going to use social media as a place to belittle or unintentionally tear down the man I love, nor the institution of marriage. Know that when you see sweet things I write about him, that we are like most other couples, but that I choose to focus on the beauty of marriage, not the pitfalls. Please resist the urge to roll your eyes, because I'm not pretending that I have the perfect husband or perfect marriage, I'm just honoring what I do have. Try to push that thought of "Ha, she's only been married 8 months. Let's see how she feels in 8 years!" out of your head, because this is a standard I want to hold myself to, and if you see me slip because I'm sure I will at some point, (gently) call me on it!
This isn't a new or novel idea, and I know quite a few other women who feel the same way, and I hope it will someday be more common to hear women rave about their husbands rather than rant about them. I occasionally participate in the Wedded Bliss Wednesday link ups for this reason. I want to be a tiny part of showing the world the amazing things about marriage. We have enough examples in this world of negative examples without my adding to that.