I was really intent on learning at least the basics to knitting, crocheting, and sewing this year. Then I took a two part knitting class, tried my hand at it for a while at home, and promptly lost all interest in things that include the words 'needles' and 'yarn'. I have been feeling sort of like I failed myself, and sort of like I'm no good at domestic-y stuff. And at first I thought it was everyone else's fault for being so darn crafty. And then I realized, it was my own fault for seeking out all these blogs of skills I don't have, and expecting myself to be like them overnight. It was my own problem and my own fault, and no one else's. Then I thought how disturbing it was that I could take all the gifts and talents I have, shove them in a closet somewhere, and then be angry that I have no gifts or talents. Yeah, I had a few pity party moments.
Buttercup clearly had more fun knitting than I did...
So then I thought about what I'm good at and what I enjoy. I'm really good at researching stuff. Anything I deem important (these days it's PCOS, fertility, things related to my faith, home buying, homeschooling, ways to be frugal, awesome things I want to have and do when we have a baby, etc.) I research within an inch of it's life. I thoroughly enjoy that process. I enjoy scrapbooking. Alot. It's my thing that makes me feel crafty and everyone loves the feeling of making something. That's what scrapbooking gives me. I'm good at nurturing, and that comes out in working on my health, loving on Steven and Buttercup within an inch of their lives (obviously that area will get more use when we have children), and certain aspects of my job. I enjoy baking and cooking, and researching new recipes, new ways of eating, and finding frugal ways to do it. Oh yes, I enjoy being frugal and finding a deal, and I think I'm pretty good at it.
Ok, time to reign in the humility. But it took some self reflection to realize that I don't have to be like everyone else, or even ANYone else to be happy with how I am and to feel domestic. Maybe I'm not a knitter or super fashionable or a dinner party thrower or crafty enough to set up an Etsy shop with something that would actually sell. But I'm domestic in that I like to clean, I like to cook, and I like to take care of people. And I kept thinking if I could just find that marketable, clever craft, it would make the financial burden on Steven so much easier when we have kids. And then I was like yeah... I like to nurture and I like to take care of people. I nannied for 3 summers, worked at a childcare for a couple years, and babysat more years than I can count. I super love children, and honestly miss them now that I work full time with adults. There's GOT to be a set of parents out there who are looking for someone to nurture and take care of their baby when I'm staying at home with mine. So instead of searching for talents I may never have, or wishing for skills I may never want to put the time into gaining, I decided to focus on what I am good at and what I do enjoy and capitalize on that.
I know it's something we all suffer with to a degree.... seeing things in other people that you wish you had. Translating it to other areas of our lives, "I wish I had her figure" or "I wish I made as much as he does!". But it doesn't matter. What matters is what we have and what we do with it. So this isn't to say that I don't want to continue stretching my mind and learning knew things, because I want to do that for the rest of my life. But I want to quit making myself feel like I'm not as good as the next person if I don't have the same skill set as them. I'm domestic in my own way and I need to learn to appreciate that.
Did you have any expectations for yourself as you became a wife and/or mother? Were they realistic or were you wanting to be someone that you aren't? How have you reconciled that?