Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Come on ovaries, you can do it!

It's been 2.5 weeks since our engagement retreat when I ditched my birth control. So far, so good, but I'm getting really nervous about the re-emergence of PCOS symptoms. I can't remember how long it took for them to appear after I went off of birth control in 2009. I take it back- I have noticed a symptom. I've noticed my hair thinning out a bit, which I've read that happens with PCOS and happens sometimes when people go off the pill. Since I have the double whammy, I guess that makes sense, but I hope it's not a long lasting thing because I have super fine hair to begin with. There's only one small area I notice it in, and I'm sure no one else does, but it still bothers me. I don't remember this happening last time. I guess it could all be in my head. I'm trying to look at this as a lesson in not being vain. If my hair thins and I get chin acne (which is what happened last time I went off the pill since PCOS causes a hormonal imbalance, which means the kind of acne that can't be treated topically), I would like to be able to brush it off, knowing that "me" is not made up by my looks. But it's not an easy lesson to learn! Our self worth is so tied into our appearance, so it definitely doesn't come second nature for me to think about not caring about what I look like. I'll work on it though because it would certainly be freeing and because stressing about it only further messes up my hormones and increases my symptoms.

I'm also really excited, anxious, and nervous to see what my cycle is like.... or if it exists. I'll find out in the next two weeks. Since I have no clue what a "normal" cycle is for me, there isn't a specific date I'm looking for, but it will have been 4-5 weeks since my last period by that time. I think I'll cry if I do get it and cry if I don't- they will just be two very different cries. I'm giving myself a lot of encouragement because I don't want to self sabotage by not starting and then saying all these life changes aren't worth it. I know they are, even if I struggle with PCOS forever. But of course I want all this hard work to pay off in a really obvious way.


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  2. First, congratulations on taking the leap and getting off the pill. Even though you feel like you're diving into the unknown, your body (and soul) will thank you.

    I'm curious where you did your engagement retreat, and what prompted you to go off the pill? Did your fiance and you have a discussion? Argument? :) Both? (I've been a presenter at those types of retreats before, so it's helpful to hear how people receive what they learn/ hear.)

    NFP isn't easy, but that's part of what makes it great--it requires discipline, self-knowledge, and love, all things the world seems to be short on these days.

    Prayers for your engagement/ marriage preparation time, and happy learning about your cycle!